Through the Fire
My life has not been easy. In fact, I have endured more than most. From multi-offender childhood sexual abuse and multiple—yes, you read that right—failed marriages, to church hurt that took years of soul searching and toxic work environments that I felt compelled to stay in because the fear of the unknown was greater than my fear of staying. It felt as if the seemingly never-ending trauma that I endured for more than four decades of my life would break me. And on more than one occasion, I tried to take what I now consider to be “the easy way out” because it felt as if nearly everyone who was supposed to love me was hurting me. And those who should have been protecting me, weren’t.
This led to a nearly 40-year cycle of seeking validation and acceptance. It also led to rebellion. And rebellion mixed with the desire to feel loved and accepted is an awful combination. For years, my life was filled with anger and regret. Regret for the choices I’d made, and for the decisions that I vowed to take, but didn’t have the strength to follow through on. I felt constantly misunderstood—like I’d been dealt a bad hand in life that only I could see. I was exhausted. I felt as if my life was a constant uphill battle and nobody had my back. Which was even more disheartening because I was fiercely loyal and often had the backs of many people who rarely had mine. But God.
Flash forward to now, I am the proud mother of two adult children who are both successfully figuring this thing called life out; and a bonus mom to five beautiful beings who have molded me in ways I never knew I needed. I am also happily married to the love of my life—a man who has spent the last 10+ years of our lives showing me what real love and devotion looks like. Unconditionally. In my eyes, Eric is truly the kindest, most wonderful man alive; and if all the years of failed relationships would lead me to a single day with him, I’d relive them all over again. He is the reason it never worked with anyone else, and he was truly worth the wait.
A few months shy of my 50th birthday, I earned a master’s degree—a goal that I’d had since earning my bachelor’s degree in my early 20s; and I am currently a PhD candidate, anxiously preparing for my defense in the next few months. After a lifetime of poor financial decisions, I am striving to live debt-free and no longer cringe at the thought of my credit score. I own my home and drive my dream car. Oh, and at the ripe ol’ age of 51, I joined the greatest sisterhood ever created—a dream I’d had since I was 14 years old. To say that my life has done a complete 360 would be a vast understatement. And it was all by the grace of God.
I was once told by a wise woman of God that I’d “been through the fire, but didn’t smell like smoke.” Those words resonated deeply with me, and I treasure them to this very day because they’re a true representation of where I’ve been and who I am. I am a survivor. A serial survivor, in fact. God bottles every one of our tears (Psalm 56:8), and He promised that in due season we will reap if we refuse to give up (Galatians 6:9). As someone who wanted to give up many times, I am a living testament that His word is true. And if He did it for me, He can most certainly do it for you. For believers, standing on God’s word is not an option, it’s a mandate. And there’s no better time than the present for you to start claiming what He’s already promised you. It’s time to be restored, confirmed, strengthened, and established (I Peter 5:10). I’m rooting for you. Always.
Veronica